Najois

Or how to get people to relate, act or understand a cause you are affected by, and that doesn’t apparently concern them.

As a professional ‘victim syndrome’ individual :p , I have had my fair share of moments where I wasn’t finding people to listen to me or try to relate and understand what I have been going through. And thus help me.

I fought and fought and fought for the right to be heard. Yet, the pain subsided, and I kept feeling frustrated and hurt.

There are many views on how to manage these issues. And many ways. I am more into reality and durability. Some things sound good rationally, but they do not work emotionally.

Something I have learnt to be more effective for both parties and sustainable, is common grounds.

Like really asking myself: ‘ Why should you care about my trauma?’

You could argue that as human beings we have to care for each other, or also that I have to take responsibility for my own well-being. I do both. I agree to both.

Yet, does it still hurts? It does. As both examples above are unilateral. So the most often abandoned way is common grounds.

Where is the point between my pain and your apparent (or perceived) indifference?

And this is where I need to, as a positive manipulator, find ways to understand your needs and your pain and bring you, through empathy towards your universe, towards mine. Because everybody experiences pain in a way or another. And if I put my pain above yours, I will alienate you as a fellow human being.

Because if I keep fighting you, I do not consider you, yet I am asking you to consider me. I am asking you to hear me, but I do not care to listen to you equally. So I am imposing myself on you.
And this just doesn’t work on the long term. Because I have forced you to alienate yourself from me, or to mute your side, your story.

If I want you to understand my problem, and be my ally, from human being to human being, I need to include you, embrace you. So you too feel responsible to act for the common grounds.

I have observed manipulators for a long time, and this is what I have learnt from them. They get to your pain, and use that as bait to make you go towards their goal. In more positive terms, we can use this ’emotional intelligence’ to find common grounds and satisfy our mutual needs.
So thank you manipulators of the world for this lesson