Najois

The Hanging Gardens of Babylon were considered to be of remarkable engineering. I consider my inner and outer life to be equivalent to these rich and diverse gardens of the Antiquity. These gardens were made of terraces that hosted a variety of plants and trees.
I would like to share with you a piece of my own garden. I am known as a quite private person when it comes to sharing my private sphere.
Nevertheless, I have come to understand the beneficial impact on others I make when I do share. So here we go.

As a child, I have grown up in adversity and emotional poverty. I came into this world as a shooting star wanting to love without reserve and being loved immensely. This was however not possible. No matter what I did, I couldn’t find the love I needed so much. I walked under my dark star knowing somehow that I wasn’t allowed to lose the purity of my love intent. In order to escape the clouds, I made myself an umbrella, which would protect me and keep me dry. I chose to reside in the house of dreams, a realm where I could imagine the beauty in all, no matter their actions. This realm protected me from harsh realities. It sharpened my intuition, my sense of beauty and also my creativity. It protected me from the world I perceived as the most vulgar, love-lacking environment, but it also shielded me from reality and the others. I was living in a parallel reality, not engaging with the outside world that felt so hostile to me.

Passed the childhood and the biggest clouds, this magic umbrella of mine became a huge shadow over my head. I couldn’t see the sun through it. I attracted situations and people that would reenact the hostilities I had suffered, and confirmed my need for living in my dream world. I lingered in my agony, and couldn’t see that passed childhood, I was responsible for inviting executioners to hurt me. I was, through the action of others, self-inflicting injuries to feed my tortured soul.

But life is kind and the sun wouldn’t stop shining for me.
One day, my bright and shiny star made one of my torturers fall. Fall from the pedestal where I had placed her so carefully. It was only a matter of time for all the austere souls I had garnered around me to start falling. One after the other they vanished. I was forced to face reality. And you know what? I came to see that it wasn’t all that bad to mingle with the ‘outsiders’. The world, faced with realism, is a pretty interesting path to follow. I finally could start building my dreams in the material world and share it with the others. I realized that the ones treating me poorly were actually hurting too. Sometimes more than I did. That’s where my true sense of empathy started to bloom.

At last, I started to see the terraces of my Babylonian Hanging Garden and explored its beautiful angles and dark corners. I found a place with the strength of a soldier, the beauty of a woman, and am yet to explore so many other places. Finally, I started watering the dried out earth, and could start to see the flowers emerge and share their scent with the world. With you.

Living in only one terrace called ‘childhood’ through your adult life, is such a waste of land. Your land is vast and fertile. If you choose so. And the world ought to see your flowers bloom.

In love and hope.